are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
