dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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