soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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