well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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