so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
