i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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