absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
