Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
