GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
