I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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