also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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