i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize