yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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