he was CRYING into my vagina
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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