Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize