Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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