If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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