The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
