I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
