What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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