so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
