I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
