Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Say something about gay babies.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
