Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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