Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
