But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
