Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
