I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just found puke in my bra..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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