were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
