Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
