remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
