Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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