totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
