I accidentally burped into my bong.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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