you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
