Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
