I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
