It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
