my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
