it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
