He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
