If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize