Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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