when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
