Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
