Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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