you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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