I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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