2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think im going to throw up on grandma
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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