what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize