gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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