he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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