Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
