last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
