He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
