1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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