And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
