I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
