Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
