Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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