dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
