closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
