So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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