Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I love you.
Bad choice
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