i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
