worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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