I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We just shotgunned beers for America
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
