OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
